Nothing is more soothing late night than some good kompa. Kompa kap fe ren’w woule!
Now, I know most of you “Haitians” are use to mainstream Haitian artists so, let me put you on! In honor of the end of Haitian Heritage Month and the beginning of Carribean-American Month, I share songs I listen to when your head gouye with your pillow late night.
As Issac Newton says, for every force there is an . . . opposite force. Yes! I am applying Newton’s third law of motion to the foundation of your thriving, or not, Friend with Benefits (FWB) arrangement. All the physics enthusiasts, refrain from trying to refute my previous statement because I DO NOT CARE! Nevertheless, we perused the pros to pursuing a FWB. But, just as gravity, “what goes up, must come down”. So, it is only right that you know the cons of FWB.
So, I am one of the annoying snappers that waste your time. Majority of my snaps involve me mumming the words to songs because, let’s be honest, I have nothing better to snap. Anyways, I usually do this late at night while normal people pillow-talk with their bed.
During those hours I procure the finest of alternative Hip-Hop, R&B, and Soul tracks and mum my heart out in hopes to awaken my snappers to new sounds of alternative Hip-Hop, R&B, and Soul.
“Gason se chen/men are dogs” or “Gason se alimet, ti fi se gazolin/ Men are lighters, women are gas” -Mom
“Be careful who you date” she said; “ESPECIALLY HAITIAN MEN!” This was my first warning about dating Haitian men!
In general, relationships are complex. Choosing to date a man in your race or outside of your race adds to the complexity of a relationship. I’ve experienced both dating worlds and they are, in their entirety, different. And, dating a Haitian man is…
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.. STRESSFUL, to say the least.
Foremost, this is not a representation of an entire population. This is solely based on my experiences and opinions. Lastly, I am not writing to degrade Haitian men. I am simply noting what grinds my gears about Haitian men.
Do you believe in love and the promises it gives? The lighthearted, overjoyed, valuable, and emotional that love is. To have the greatest feeling in the world and not afraid to show it. The strong affection felt by two people in a romantic relationship. To know that one person wants to love you for life like Jodeci as he gets down on one knee while you are serenaded by the smooth vocals of Boyz II Men. On his knee, to propose, and ask his dream woman for her hand in marriage because she has changed him like Jamie Foxx and Chris Brown said, “Cuz you changed me baby”. As he waits for her to answer yes to the man she spent years searching for, the man of her dreams.
You got caught up with your friend with benefits and thought you were his girlfriend. Your FWB is now a committed relationship. You stepped over the boundary and now he plays a vital role in your life; like a part of your routine. He is now your breakfast, lunch, and dinner *rolls eyes*. You done fucked up!
Want to hang out (for real)
That “Wyd or WUUP2” text does not mean, “Hey I am fienin'”. It means, hey let’s hang out; it means I want your company; I miss you; I need you here.
Late nights turn into late evenings
You want to spend more time with him so you hit him up earlier than the usual late night sex text or call.
Advanced Individual Training (AIT) is the next step of your partners military career. Here, your partner will learn job skills that are related to performing their Army job or Military Occupational Specialty (MOS). I welcome you to the easiest part of your soldiers career and your relationship. The term easiest is relative and it depends on how strong you are as their partner.
In AIT, life seems easy. You get to hear from your solider more than you did when they were in basic training. You, even, get to visit your solider. The option to visit your solider is only possible when they have passed a specific phase during their training. Also, depending on the length of their stay and their drill sergeant, the leniency will vary.
What you should know
As a girlfriend, you are not recognized; your relationship is not recognized. Your partner will be viewed as a single man without any obligations. I get it, girlfriends or boyfriends are like the goldfish you win at a carnival–they last no more than a week. But, for someone like me– going on 4 years of commitment to my military boyfriend– I deserve the acknowledgement; I deserve the time, his time!
Be aware that this is when your partner can have fun, if allowed. “Battle buddies” and your partner get to explore the town on weekends and holidays. In my opinion, they will need it. This is their chance to get away from the stress of training. Some girlfriends will not like this. I, on the other hand, told him to embrace it. Enjoy! Live it up! Just don’t be an idiot with these horny women ready to jump any guy in their path. Trust me, this will be something you worry about once you hear the stories about the women and what they do while in AIT.
Besides this, everyone’s experience will be different. My boyfriends AIT was a 7, on a scale of 10, in leniency. There were times he could talk and their were times he could not. I, mainly, did not stress our relationship while he was going through AIT. Nor did he. I would advise you to be excited he got through BMT . From AIT, life officially begin at his duty station.
A friend is someone you trust; someone who trusts you; someone you share history, circumstances, and mutual interests with; someone you develop experiences with; someone you may be compatible with. Some “friends” go beyond that by becoming sexually involved. This, new, potential relationship is labeled “Friend with Benefits” (FWB).
Individuals that pursue this type of relationship is:
Too busy to invest time into a committed relationship.
Recovering from a past break up and desire sexual intimacy.
Interested in someone who does not show interest and believes sex without commitment may spark said interest.
Some may think these individuals are purposefully avoiding relationships. Others assume it is just a phase that women or men develop following a horrid break up. Regardless of the negative connotations associated with your current arrangement, it is beneficial.
Benefits of a FWB
You are in an arrangement with someone who knows you and someone you can fully trust. You are comfortable with them and you can be your true self with them.
You are free to do what you want and when you want. You are not bounded to someone. You can be yourself and in a space free of judgment.
You do not have to scour social media outlets such as Tinder for your next random sex partner when you need to knock your rocks off. There is no need to jump from bar to bar, drunken, in search for something sweet to soothe your needs. When you need it, give your FWB a call. Since it is an arrangement, they will be willing and ready to satisfy your cravings.
Solo sex is no fun! Sex with someone you know is better. Since there is no commitment, you can feel comfortable in having liberated, safe sex, rather than hooking up with random strangers for a quick fix.
FWB’s is a real connection. It’s not you scrolling through Tinder liking every random persons picture in hopes someone will do the same. This person is there and will always be for as long as you want. So, if you aren’t feeling “committed relationships” lately,think of a potential FWB. But, know the cons to a FWB as well.
“My boyfriend traded in dress shoes for combat boots“. Well, my boyfriend traded in Jordans’ for combat boots.
I have been through some incredible changes in my life that were for the worst and the better. But, the most difficult point in my life was when the man I love decided to join the military.
This happened right around the time I decided to transfer to a university and start a brand new life, while he was only three hours away. A transition was underway, little did I know, he had an idea that would change our lives beyond what I imagined.
I was fine with his decision and supported him every step of the way until a week before reality set in. The man of my dreams, the love of my life, the man I spent 2 years drooling over is about to leave me and enter a world I know nothing about. And, it scared the living *** out of me. Of course, I kept my composure, I did not want him to see me sweat. Nor, did I want him to think that I did not support his decision. Honestly, I did not support his decision because I was selfish. In all, I did not want him to leave me for GOOD. The countdown began, T-minus 7 days.
Who ever told you relationships are easy, fed you unrealistic expectations of relationships. A relationship is a bond where two imperfect people come together attempting to perfect one another. In order to do this, the couple must be willing to make certain sacrifices to keep the relationship happy, healthy, and prosperous. These sacrifices include dedicating yourself to one individual for a period of time, giving up privacy, and etc.
Unfortunately, there are individuals who view commitment as an obstacle in the path of their pursuit of romantic relationships. This view presents the fear of love or the fear of relationships, and exemplifies a “commitment-phobe”.
Used interchangeably, commitment issues, relationship anxiety, or commitment phobia, is a problem that is not new.
As mentioned in the definition of commitment, it is safe to infer that being committed in a relationship is to be dedicated to that relationship and partner.